Friday, June 26, 2009


(The wonders of a little free time at work...and hilighters.)

My birthday is on the twenty-seventh. Of June. I'll be twenty-seven on the twenty-seventh of June this year and, though I feel that this is some sort of doom's day event, I'm feeling pretty good about being a year older. Well, pretty good about my life. Not necessarily being older.

It may sound awful to some of you happy shiny people out there, but every year that goes by I find that I'm comparing myself to my mother.

When she was 16 she had run away from home, dropped out of school, gotten married and had my sister.

I was painting in my room, rocking out to The Beatles, The Doors, The Wallflowers, Metallica and thinking about my future.

At 25 she'd been divorced, remarried to my father for eight years, and welcomed me into the world...on June 27th, 1982.

I was finished with college, married about 4 years, adopting every stray animal that crossed my path, painting, rocking out to The Beatles, The Doors, The Avett Brothers, Andrew Bird and thinking about my future.

I don't know what it is exactly that makes me want to compare my life to hers, or why I feel good about my life in contrast to hers. Don't get me wrong, my Mom has made some seriously detrimental decisions, but she also rocks. She's 4 foot 11.5 inches and all Trouble. Take notice of the capitalization, or else.

She's been through a lot. Married for almost a decade to a raging alcoholic. Put up with an abusive boyfriend for the next thirteen years. Raised two daughters. And then went back to school when I was nine, and got her nursing degree.

Now she has a good job, a house that's paid for, and a very mild mannered fiance. So, I certainly don't wish she'd changed too much, or else my sister and I wouldn't have the luxury of griping about her now and again. ^_^

Still, I find myself unintentionally comparing our lives. I suppose it's because for years she was the only person I really felt like I knew. We moved so often. I'd make friends. We'd move. I'd make friends. We'd move. My Dad wasn't around. My Mom was all I had. So, I guess it makes sense.

Anyhow, my birthday is Saturday. Yay! ^_^

Oh, and Ben. We had a failure to communicate. Probably my fault, as most all miscommunications are. The newf shares a birthday with my best friend's little sister. MY birthday, and Helen Keller's, is June 27th. Sorry to revoke his "newf"ound birthday prestige.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Summer Vacation

It's time, my friends. Everyone's talking about it. North Carolina. Italy. Gulf Shores. Florida. Left and right people are taking summer vacations. Some of them are trekking into the forests and mountains for various purposes. Others have gone in search of large bodies of water in which to immerse themselves. Whoever. Wherever. They're escaping and loving life, and I'm happy for them. I really am.

I just hope I can make it until the end of July. Todd and I will be stuffing the Jeep full, and heading to Michigan to visit two of our very best friends(I fought the urge to type BFF's). Now, this may not be the forest/mountain range/beach that one thinks of for "vacation", but it's as good a place as any.

It'll be a nice, familiar(for me) road trip with a pleasant, jobless, friend-filled destination. Todd's never been North of Kentucky! So, I get the pleasure of watching him enjoy the sites. My home state-good old Indiana! Rolling hills and sky forever. Then Berrien Springs, Michigan. And believe me you, at some point, I and my attractive new bathing suit WILL be in Lake Michigan. Maybe. I hope. We'll see. Not so big on large bodies of water that aren't the ocean.

Upon our return we'll have a stowaway. My soul mate's youngest sister (who just turned 14 today! Happy Birthday Kayla!) will have been visiting the great state of Michigan for a whole month, when we make our trip. So, she'll be taking the ride back with us, which makes it even more fun! I love that kid. She's just about the most awesome little individual I know.

So, mini vacation the end of July. Yay! Until then, I'd appreciate if you could all keep the spectacular holiday/forest/mountain range/beach talk to a minimum.

Thank you. ^_^

Monday, June 15, 2009

Painting Shenanigans

I have been working on this painting for so long now that I'm not sure if I can ever let it go. It's become a permanent fixture to my home and vehicle! I carry it around with me...always thinking, "I'll finish it tonight/in the morning/during lunch", or "All I need is one more 2-3 hour session".

While watercolor is one of my favorite mediums, there are moments when I just know I'm going to lose it. Like massive coronary lose it. If I have to do ONE MORE COAT of that dark purply* brown, that I'm not quite sure which blue I used to concoct, it won't be good!!

Well, this was in the beginning. I refer to this stage as Matthyclops.

And this is now. More of a Cerberus/dog of the underworld type look, right? Yeah. That'll go away when I finish filling in that right side, and darken that eye there. He's definitely not a puppy with much of a dark side. ^_^ may not look like I've done a whole heck of a lot, but believe me you, I have! Bit by bit, he is coming along. I've given myself a solid deadline now, and Ari will have her painting when she gets back from vacation.

I'll keep you posted!

*I know "purply" isn't really a word, but you know what I mean.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I Like Bread & Butter

I've been feeling a bit stretched lately. Pulled. Smeared. Pressed. What does Bilbo say? Like butter scraped over too much bread. Well, whatever he said...that's generally my state of existence as of late.

So, I've been thinking about all these things that I'm getting myself all worked up over. Trying to plan how to finish this or that. Hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. An end to the current chaos and stressfulness. I was making a list in my head. We all know how I fell about lists. It was a "The Day Will Come" list.

The day will come when:
- I catch up on all your wonderful posts.

- I'll finish the 5 paintings, and gazillion other projects I have going all at once.

- I don't go somewhere every single night of the week.

- I get enough sleep.

- I stop worrying about all my friends and family.

That's how it was going. That is, until I realized in making this list I was wishing my life away. Wanting the chaos to stop is essentially wanting rest. Rest is sleep. Sleep is death. I'll sleep when I'm dead. I always say that. So, I realized I like living a good bit, and until I'm ready to kick the bucket, I'm going to work on changing my outlook on things. I'm going to focus on being grateful.

So, here's my new list. The "Until Then" list.

Until Then:

- I have the luxury of my freedom, a home and even a computer.

- I'm blessed to be able to express myself via the plastic arts, and to find great joy in doing so.
- I can offer something of myself to others every night of the week, whether it be painting a mural in a nursery, or just spending quality time.

- I have a bed to sleep in, with a warm husband (and kitty) to curl up next to.
- I have friends and family to worry about.

That's a start.