Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Loathed Expectations

Would you believe I've never made a New Year's resolution? Ever?

I've had goals before, but none of this proclaiming them on New Year's Eve type stuff. It's just not my style. I'm not really sure why, exactly.

Oh, wait. Sure I do. I loathe expectations.

That's right. LOATHE. So much more effective than just disliking, don't you think? I believe that comes from an unwillingness to live with disappointment. And by that, I mean disappointing others. Can't. Handle. It.

It's really awful, too. I really can't stand to know someone is disappointed in me, so I never want to agree to do something for someone, because then I know they're going to expect it. What if I fail?!

This is usually art related, so I take the "what if my arms fall off, like that lady in that story that slept all funky, smooshing her fingers all night, and the lack of blood made them turn black and fall off?!" route. It's not good.

Well, maybe I embellished a little bit, but you get the gist of what goes through my head. Some unforeseen event will stop me from fulfilling my end of the bargain, and disappointment will inevitably be my fate.

And it gets worse! On top of all that mental instability are the tiny people pleaser and the tiny rebel that live inside of me. The tiny people pleaser yearns to keep everyone placated by shouting, "Sure!" to absolutely everything, while the disgruntled rebel refuses to be bridled by expectations and sounds a little something like this: "You want me to do what? Ohhhh, okaaaaay! Hang on just a sec while I go do THE EXACT OPPOSITE!" It's really worse than not good.

Now that you're all quite certain that I'm battling with schizophrenia, I would like to announce that the husband person and I have decided to make New Year's Resolutions this year! O.0

I've been blabbing all about this children's book I want to write & illustrate, right? Well, 2010 is as good a year as any, wouldn't you say? I would. So, that's my New Year's resolution. It's something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl, and I'm going to do it. I want to help shape kid's imaginations, make them feel important/ like they belong, and this is how I'm going to do it.

Todd, whom I now enjoy referring to as Mr. T, would simply like to beat me arm wrestling (he's really never beat me), and lift the Christmas tree with one hand (read: without collapsing with a hernia). He actually said he wants to get in shape, and be healthier, but I like the funny version better. Don't you? I'm so mean.

So...what are your pesky resolutions?

3 comments:

  1. You can so do this!!! You and your book and me and photos. We will take 2010 by storm!!

    And maybe, just maybe, Todd will be able to beat you in arm wrestling . . . maybe

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  2. Oooh good luck with your resolution - you can do it!

    I listed mine on my blog, basically just wanna be better about money, finish project 365, move out of my parent's house. Fun times.

    Happy 2010! Have a great year!

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