I've been feeling a bit stretched lately. Pulled. Smeared. Pressed. What does Bilbo say? Like butter scraped over too much bread. Well, whatever he said...that's generally my state of existence as of late.
So, I've been thinking about all these things that I'm getting myself all worked up over. Trying to plan how to finish this or that. Hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. An end to the current chaos and stressfulness. I was making a list in my head. We all know how I fell about lists. It was a "The Day Will Come" list.
The day will come when:
- I catch up on all your wonderful posts.
- I'll finish the 5 paintings, and gazillion other projects I have going all at once.
- I don't go somewhere every single night of the week.
- I get enough sleep.
- I stop worrying about all my friends and family.
That's how it was going. That is, until I realized in making this list I was wishing my life away. Wanting the chaos to stop is essentially wanting rest. Rest is sleep. Sleep is death. I'll sleep when I'm dead. I always say that. So, I realized I like living a good bit, and until I'm ready to kick the bucket, I'm going to work on changing my outlook on things. I'm going to focus on being grateful.
So, here's my new list. The "Until Then" list.
- I have the luxury of my freedom, a home and even a computer.
- I'm blessed to be able to express myself via the plastic arts, and to find great joy in doing so.
- I can offer something of myself to others every night of the week, whether it be painting a mural in a nursery, or just spending quality time.
- I have a bed to sleep in, with a warm husband (and kitty) to curl up next to.
- I have friends and family to worry about.
That's a start.