It has been brought to my attention that I have known some very dear people for a very long time. Thanks Matt. I'm ignoring the oldness factor and focusing on the positive here, which we will get to at some point.
Growing up my mother moved us around a good bit. I swear she was a gypsy. I know I didn't have it as bad as some, but I hated it none-the-less. My Dad was never around, but my mom's abusive jerk of a boyfriend instead. He stalked us across states! We moved when I was eight. Again when I was nine. When I was ten. Then when I was fourteen.
All through high school she talked about moving elsewhere. I dreaded it. I couldn't wait until I turned eighteen so I could stay right where I was. Any place would do. I just wanted to stay somewhere, and know someone longer than a year or two. So, you see my issues with moving.
Traveling is one thing, but leaving for good is still not my cup of tea. I have major baggage in that area. Despite my knowledge and power to keep in touch, I tend to regress into that eight, nine, ten year old kid. When we moved I never saw or talked to any of those people ever again. Ever. It was like whole worlds were left behind, including my father. I knew they still existed without me, and that ticked me off.
The fact is that I never felt like I knew anyone. Not really. As a lot of teenagers do, I became severely depressed in high school. I had tons of friends, but just didn't accept that any of them truly cared about me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that if I left that world would go on. Without missing a beat. Without missing me. Peachy.
So, there I was. Angry. Convinced I was separated from all the normal people. Normal being those who'd known each other since kindergarten. All the drama, right? All mine was internal, but it was still drama. That's the number one reason I do NOT miss being a teenager. Too many hormones warping your view of the world.
The last time we moved I was fourteen, and somewhere along the way I quit being so freaking' hormonal and self centered. Thank God. I managed to stay in touch with my best friend from Junior High. We only moved about forty-five minutes away from our last "place of residents" that time, and by "in touch" I mean inseparable.
Senior year I could even pass for happy! I was voted class clown and most talented...which is supposed to mean something. All I know for sure is I'm right where I want to be. I have friends/soul mates that I can not and will not live without. God willing.
Maybe knowing the source of an issue really does help you cope. Well, at least adjust. I'm pretty happy knowing why I'm so screwed up, but I still don't want to move. Ever. I have my husband person, a little house on an acre of land, my friends and momentarily stalled out gypsy family. I'm content to travel the globe, but always come back home.